There are little balls of dried snot on all of my sheets.

Crispy brownish streaks stripe the dining room table cloth about two-and-a-half feet from the floor. Just at the level of toddler fingers.

Tissues, pieces of tissues, boxes of empty tissues: they are everywhere. We have a cold the horrid mucus-magnifying virus from hell.

I say We, because like the Borg or the Three Musketeers, we are all for one in this household. And this virus is making us extremely grumpy.

Seth, although usually the happiest baby ever created, can’t breathe. And when he can’t breathe, he can’t eat. And when my 24-pound 8-month-old can’t eat … well, he doesn’t take it very well. Although we took the opportunity to teach about peaceful protest on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day,   Seth just doesn’t get it. He prefers the loud, in-your-face strategy:

“Mom, I don’t feel good! MOOOOOOOMMMM! My throat hurts! MOOOOOMMM I’m thristy and can’t drink cause my stinking nose is full of boogers! No, not the nasal aspirator bulb! NOOOOO!
“No, don’t hold me, I don’t like that. No, don’t put me down, I don’t like that either. MOOOOOOOOMMNMM!”

Tom, on the other hand, varies his strategies for dealing with illness. This morning he glanced at his Mini-Wheats and announced in the whinest voice he could muster, “I’m saaaaaaaad.”  When I asked what I could do to help him be happy, he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Momma, I’m SAAAAAAAAAAD.” He didn’t want candy, ice cream or T.V. He just wanted to be SAAAAAAD. To make sure I got the point, he repeated the phrase at various volumes for the next two hours.

Later this morning, we were half-way through Bill and Pete to the Rescue, when Tom hopped off the couch, pulled a booger out of his nose and dropped it in my fresh cup of coffee. When I asked him what he put in my coffee, he said “Dirt, Mama,” with the biggest grin you’ve ever seen. He and his little snotty nose smiled thier way to timeout.

After time out was over, he and the dog decided to make it “snow” and they shredded and tossed an entire garbage can of dirty tissues all over my living room floor.

Fun times, I tell you, fun times.